Showing posts with label dogs. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dogs. Show all posts

Monday, May 5, 2014

Movie Review: 47 Ronin

Over the weekend, I watched a little gem of a film called 47 Ronin, which arrived on DVD via Netflix. Rarely does a movie inspire the Angry White Loner to write a review of it here on his blog, but this was one of the select few that made the cut. Add to that the fact that I watched this one by myself, ergo there was no one else present to hear and chuckle at my various witty remarks.

So, here they are.

In a nutshell, 47 Ronin stars Keanu Reeves as one of 47 samurai seeking revenge for the death of their sensei. That is the plot summed up in one sentence.

I wanted to like this film. I did. But as soon as Gedde Watanabe, who also played Kuni in UHF, appeared, all I could hear was him telling Keanu "Stupid! You're so stupid!" over and over again in my head.

Among the other highlights:

 - The ronin sign a contract in blood using their thumbprints, which coincidentally is also the way by which you can exchange old DVDs or CDs at Graywhale store. True story.

 - The plot is actually somewhat parallel to The Princess Bride. Yes, *that* Princess Bride. Really. There's a wedding that the good guys try to stop, with the hero, once thought dead, trying to save his beloved from marrying a Humperdinck of a weasel of a bad guy. There's also magic and miracles and all of that stuff. Only it appears that 47 Ronin is the rejected first draft of that script and is set in Japan.

 - Ronin apparently both have choreographed dressing and undressing routines that they perform in unison. I did not know this.

 - The white dog/dragon from The Neverending Story apparently appears to help Keanu fight one of the baddies.

 - Not since Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones have special effects been wasted so needlessly to help a character eat something by lifting some food to one's mouth via the Force (or, in this case, hair, or magic).

A bunch of other stuff happens in between, but I fast-forwarded through all of that. Isn't technology amazing?

On a scale of 1 to 10, I give it a 47.

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Single All the Way

Single male, single male,
Single all the way!
Oh what fun it is to ride
Alone!
In a one-horse open sleigh!
   -Unknown

The Christmas season, in addition to the manger scenes and Santa Claus and the Grinch and all of that good stuff, is certainly also full of love, love, love everywhere, isn't it? From every Hallmark Channel movie to every song about getting hitched by a snowman named Parson Brown or staying indoors while it snows because "it's cold outside," you can't escape it.

Then there's the mistletoe, which contributes to a good deal of snogging and Eskimo kissing and I-don't-know-what-other gooiness between twitterpated folks each and every December. The Angry White Loner has never kissed or been kissed under a mistletoe, but it remains high atop his Bucket List (wink, wink).

For crying out loud, even the once-mean-and-nasty Grinch finds a woman friend in the live-action How the Grinch Stole Christmas.

My point, and I guess I have one, is that the Christmas holiday can be a good deal of fun for people in love but also acute torture for single folkssomething akin to either being strapped to a chair and forced to listen to a continuous loop of Rebecca Black's "Friday" or having your chest hairs plucked out with an old pair of pliers.

It's enough to make making out with the family dog, which is something my family's dog is more than willing to do, look like a good alternative to being all alone on Christmas Eve (or at midnight on New Year's, for that matter).

One of my friends, now married, had a good deal of fun his "family" Christmas card when he was still a single man. Usually, this "family" photo consisted of him sitting alone on a bench . . . and that's about it.

I want to be like him when I grow up.

So, my message is: If you've got someone to hold onto as it snows buckets outside during this holiday season, that's fantastic. More power to you! We all want to be where you are. But also: Be kind to your single friends. It's a tough time of year for them. It doesn't get any easier with Valentine's Day approaching in February, either. Don't rub their faces in it.

Also: I have mistletoe socks, and I'm not afraid to use them.
 

Thursday, October 10, 2013

That's a Deal Breaker!

What are your deal breakers?

It's a question that got me thinking a couple of nights ago when I watched the latest episode of one of my favorite TV shows, "Studio C," and saw the music video posted here.

A deal breaker, in this sense, then, is defined as "something that makes it impossible to continue dating someone else." At least, that's how I define it.

Some of the Angry White Loner's major deal breakers include:


 -Jerks

 -Inability to be honest with me

 -Clinginess/high maintenance

 -Major baggage

 -Publicly or privately insulting or disparaging members of my family

 -Wanting anything less than a temple marriage, and/or supporting principles or causes that go directly against Church doctrine and teachings

 -Refusal to support my interests or hobbies (sometimes, this involves merely giving me time and/or space to pursue them rather than participating in them)

 -Voting Democrat

 -Preferring cats over dogs

 -Preferring country music to "good" music

 -Not liking Star Wars

 -Not liking "Weird Al" Yankovic

Just kidding about those last few. Only partly.

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Big Boys Don't Cry

It happened again.

I have now seen the first three episodes of the current season of "Secret Millionaire," and I have ended up bawling like a baby at the end of each one.

For those who are not familiar with "Secret Millionaire," it is a reality TV program that doesn't stink to high heaven. Unlike such better-known programming as "Keeping Up with the Kardashians," "Jersey Shore," "The Bachelor," etc., one of the major things that sets it apart is that it actually features admirable and interesting people who are trying to do worthwhile things with their lives.

In each episode, a self-made millionaire travels to an impoverished and/or crime-ridden neighborhood within a major U.S. city and must live there for a week, residing in the kind of housing that people on welfare inhabit and also living on the same budget, which usually amounts to only $30 or $40 a week such basics as groceries. At the same time, the secret millionaire ventures out into the community to find worthy charities and causes for which he/she can donate time and effort: shelters, soup kitchens, support groups, anti-drug counseling, centers for the disabled, etc. Quite often, these charities are, like to people who run them, operating on a shoestring budget.

At the end of the week, the millionaire pays one final visit to these charities, revealing his/her true identity as a successful businessperson. He/she then presents these charities with a check, which is often for tens of thousands of dollars and is taken out of the millionaire's own pockets. Sometimes, that figure goes as high as hundreds of thousands of dollars.

My favorite part of it is that the recipients of these checks, real salt-of-the-Earth people working at these charities because they have a sincere desire to help others and to make their communities better, have absolutely no clue that this money is coming to them, and their reactions are always priceless. At the end of the episode, you find out what they end up doing with the money they have been given. Quite often, it goes a very long way to helping others who are in need.

It's hands-down one of my favorite things to watch on TV. And, as I mentioned earlier, it always makes me cry.

"Secret Millionaire" isn't the only TV show that gets to me, gang. I am also a sucker for the LDS-produced movie The Last Leaf, which stars Jane Kaczmarek (the mom from "Malcolm in the Middle"!) when she was much younger. I could tell you about the other films that have made me weep, and there are more than a few, but then I fear I would be falling into territory in which I could easily be blackmailed by y'all.

Other TV shows/movies have made me laugh so hard that I have cried, such as the Pod People episode of "Mystery Science Theater 3000" and the YouTube video of the children's orchestra playing Richard Strauss's "Also Sprach Zarathustra," aka the theme to 2001: A Space Odyssey. There was also the time that I discovered our family's golden retriever, Rolley, chowing down on the gingerbread houses we had made earlier that week. She had finished nearly two houses, from top to bottom, when I discovered what she had done.

Let's just say that I chuckled so hard and so long that I had to change my pants when I was finished.

That brings the Angry White Loner to the question: Is it okay for men to admit that they cry?

I can't answer for other guys, but I believe crying can be the outward expression of what are healthy emotions. It can also be a great release of pent-up stress, worry, or heartache when it is not motivated by joy and, thus, can be very therapeutic.

Most importantly, it shows women that we men are sensitive, new-age guys.

Sunday, June 9, 2013

Allergies

Have you ever had an allergy test? I've now been through two of them. Each time, it has been no less than a supremely funky experience.

The other day, my arm looked like this (only not so tan and with many more freckles):


Okay, so, this wasn't exactly my real arm, but trust me; I did you a favor. The real thing looked far more gruesome than this.

As it turns out, I am allergic to a good number of things. Both cats and dogs, which I or members of my family have owned as pets for as long as I can remember? Yep, I'm allergic to both. Of the 32 things I was tested for, I am allergic to 26 of them.

While Spider-Man's only weakness is very small knives, mine is . . . well . . . you name it.

The protocol now is to begin a series of weekly allergy shots to build up my immunity. Either that, or I suppose I can go out in public in a hazmat suit or a plastic bubble for protection.