That's a Deal Breaker!

What are your deal breakers?

It's a question that got me thinking a couple of nights ago when I watched the latest episode of one of my favorite TV shows, "Studio C," and saw the music video posted here.

A deal breaker, in this sense, then, is defined as "something that makes it impossible to continue dating someone else." At least, that's how I define it.

Some of the Angry White Loner's major deal breakers include:


 -Jerks

 -Inability to be honest with me

 -Clinginess/high maintenance

 -Major baggage

 -Publicly or privately insulting or disparaging members of my family

 -Wanting anything less than a temple marriage, and/or supporting principles or causes that go directly against Church doctrine and teachings

 -Refusal to support my interests or hobbies (sometimes, this involves merely giving me time and/or space to pursue them rather than participating in them)

 -Voting Democrat

 -Preferring cats over dogs

 -Preferring country music to "good" music

 -Not liking Star Wars

 -Not liking "Weird Al" Yankovic

Just kidding about those last few. Only partly.

Black Holes and Vacuum Cleaners

Over time, I've come to realize the sad truth that some people are, simply put, like black holes and vacuum cleaners.

They just plain suck.

The term suck, in this sense, refers to people who, to paraphrase Bruno Mars, "take, take, take it all but (they) never give." Whatever their motivations may be, they take your time, emotions, goodwill, compliments, money, possessions, etc. and they offer none of their own in return.

Like the lady who, a few years ago, ran past a Yield sign, entered a roundabout I was already in, and collided with my car, they will not only refuse to accept blame for the trouble (in this case, car accidents) they create; they will then turn around and accuse you of being the person who instigated the whole mess.

People who suck are something unfortunately encountered among some supposed friendships. As a result, their behavior tends to be something of a friendship killer. It's also an unfortunate result of some dating experiences - and I think we've all been there at one point or another.

In dating, they are the people who string you along and use you for any number of what amount to be selfish purposes. Dating them is like pumping quarters into a slot machine for hours on end; all the while you dream of some kind of reward or result, but you get bubkes back and end up bankrupt emotionally.

I bring this all up as a result of a conversation I had with a friend the other night. This friend is a mutual friend of someone I went on a few dates with not long ago, and I learned a few things that helped me to understand why this person completely flaked out what I thought was our potential relationship. In a nutshell, someone she had dated earlier, who had acted like an utter tool and whose behavior led to them breaking up, decided he was suddenly interested in her again and wanted to get back together with her. Therefore, even though I had behaved gentlemanly toward her and she had only nice things to say about me, I was dropped like a rock.

I felt, in a word, used. I doubt it was this person's intention to make me feel this way, but that was the effect nonetheless.

Of course, some very good advice was given on this subject 2,000 years ago. The Savior instructed us to "pray for them which despitefully use you" (Matthew 5:28). I know that statement applies in all relationships in which we're adversely affected by people who suck and that it's what I need to do in this case. There's no other sane way to move forward.

It also leads me to reflect whether I have unintentionally ever been a person who sucks, be it in dating or in any other relationship. The AWL has admitted before that he is a work in progress, and if this is the case, he begs for your forgiveness.

At the same time, it doesn't mean we need to keep people who suck around us. What did Nephi and his clan do when Laman and Lemuel had used up all of their opportunities to be good? He put a great deal of (physical) distance between himself and the Lamanites. Though they were his brothers and he still loved them, he could no longer stay around them, or he would perish. He even lived long enough to see wars with them during his lifetime.

Forgive? Absolutely. But forget? Well, that just leads to our being vacuumed up off of the carpet, like so many particles of dirt, again and again.

Stubborn as a Mule

"A mule will labor ten years willingly and patiently for the privilege of kicking you once."
 -William Faulkner

Stubbornness . . . long sigh . . . is today's topic. The thing is, I'm not exactly sure where to start. It seems like I've been dealing with stubborn people all week long, so maybe that's why this is coming out on a Friday afternoon and I just need to blow off a little steam.

Even an Angry White Loner needs to do so every now and then.

Stubborn people tend to share a certain set of characteristics: They do what's best for themselves rather than for the group as a whole. They either refuse to or are reluctant to compromise, believing that their point-of-view or way of doing things is the best way. They leave important things undone because they believe someone else must do them. Quite often, the stubborn are slaves to routine.

In a very real sense, stubbornness is just another manifestation of selfishness. Stubbornness is not a trait I look for in a friend. In a romantic relationship, it is a deal breaker.

On the other hand, stubbornness can actually be a positive trait. I admire people who stick to their principles and values and refuse to compromise them. The same can also be said for people who dig in their heels, work hard, and don't quit until a project is completed.

That kind of stubbornness, however, is not the kind of stubbornness that has driven me to the point of frustration this week. The stubborn creep into our lives very sneakily. They sneak in among our friends, co-workers, neighbors, etc. Like the body snatchers, they are claiming new victims and increasing their number on a daily basis.

With a devil-may-care attitude, they shoot off extremely loud fireworks until 2 or 3 a.m., showing little-to-no regard for the noise they are making or for your safety. They carry on long conversations on their cell phones as they drive, slowly and recklessly weaving in and out of their lanes of traffic. You make repeated requests from what you thought was a trusted co-worker to do something simple for you, and those requests are repeatedly ignored or cast aside for their convenience or for other petty reasons. Friends receive invitation upon invitation to participate in activities with you, yet they never turn up . . . and then they wonder why nobody wants to hang with them. Your improv troupe has a relatively new second home on Saturday nights at a fledgling theater, and rather than support that theater, many people would rather not go there at all than offer to help out.

Sigh . . .

I could go on, but I won't. Suffice to say that the stubborn, like so many mules, belong in the glue factory.

*The AWL will be back in a day or two with a more cheerful subject. Maybe.*