Warts and All

Week #4 on the Island of Misfit Toys was also our first high council Sunday as a ward.

The high councilman who spoke delivered a very interesting message, I must say. Included among his thoughts—and I'm paraphrasing here because I wasn't smart enough to write down his exact words when he said them—was the idea that the adversary tries to make us "strive for perfection rather than self-improvement."

I took statement that to mean something to akin a recent general conference address by Elder Dallin H. Oaks, in which he spoke about things that are "good,  better, and best." Ultimately, of course, perfection is our goal, though for many of us, that's thousands of years in the future. In my case, we may be talking five or six digits. Or more.

However, self-improvement is something that is attainable in this lifetime—whether it be on a daily, weekly, monthly, or yearly basis. Self-improvement is a "good" or even a "better" goal that will, ultimately, take us to the "best" goal, which is that of perfection. We have to start with self-improvement and keep working at it throughout this lifetime before we can even begin to consider moving on to attaining something like perfection.

Still with me, Mouseketeers?

This concept, I believe, is also directly relatable to dating. So many of us may be looking for the "perfect" man or woman rather than one who is a genuinely good, dedicated, faithful Latter-day Saint who has flaws and challenges, warts and all, yet who also has goals and is striving to improve him/herself at all times.

It's something that affects both the women and the men. For each woman who wants a Captain Moroni or a Nephi, there's a man who wants a Rebekah or Rachel (whom Jacob served 14 years for because he was that much in love with her) or any number of exemplary women from the past or the present.

Were I to ever find the "perfect" woman, why would she want to date me? I am not the perfect man. "Intelligence cleaveth unto intelligence," and all of that, you know?

This is also not to say that it is a good idea to, then, "settle" for someone who does not inspire you to be better, who has no goals or ambitions, who has a nice-looking car and muscles but can't carry on a conversation with you for more than two minutes, nor for someone who sees how far he/she is from perfection and has given up trying altogether. Nor for jerks. Especially not jerks.

It's just to say that there are no perfect men nor women from which to choose in the dating pool.

But perfection? That is for another day and another time. Also, it's for Costco cheesecake.

Clean Slate

I love the whole Halloween to New Year's stretch of the calendar. It's my favorite time of the year.

Why limit a favorite holiday to just one holiday? Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's Eve, Festivus—they're all fantastic. I enjoy each and every one when its turn comes around, and I also enjoy the time spent with family members and good friends.

There is a certain sense of letdown upon waking up on January 1, to be sure. The hangover for the last great party (or parties) of the year that was, however you chose to celebrate, is about to begin, and there is also the very real sense that my next "favorite time of the year" won't begin for about another nine months or so. But there is also something about the New Year that brings a sense of "clean slate" with it.

It's almost like that blog post you wrote in a moment of utter loneliness and/or frustration two days ago never even happened!

Admittedly, 2013 was not the greatest year for many people I know, and they are glad to see it go. For me, it was, well . . . good and bad both. It was a year like many other years, in other words.

I am one who makes New Year's resolutions but who also ends up breaking them far more often than I keep them. Even so, I still a fan of the idea of self-improvement and of setting new goals. I have one for 2014 that I began to work on yesterday. I won't go into the details of it right now, but one of my siblings is helping me out, and we're going to try to keep each other accountable for our goals.

Additionally, I believe the concept of a clean slate is a gospel principle. Each Sunday when we take the sacrament, we're recommitting ourselves to follow Christ, to repent and try to improve upon our shortcomings, and to be a better person than we were the week before. It's one of my favorite things about the gospel and my faith. And it's something that's available 52 weeks a year rather than during a three-month span (well, 48 really, if you take away general conference and stake conference).

Another great thing about slates: breaking them over the head of Gilbert Blythe at school!

Unless movies and TV have lied to me.

As Good as It Gets . . . ?

In the movie As Good as It Gets, there is a scene in which the main character, Melvin (Jack Nicholson), himself a sufferer of a severe case of obsessive-compulsive disorder, walks past a support group who are in the middle of a session. Not only cursed with OCD but also someone with a mean streak, he asks them the question, "What if this is as good as it gets?"

Enjoying his little joke, he leaves the room as the members of the support group contemplate this question in a stunned silence. This moment is, of course, where the title of the film also comes from.

Do you ever find yourself contemplating the answer to the same question about matters in your own life: Is this really as good as it gets?

I find myself doing so on many a Sunday, as I feel it's certainly an appropriate day and time for self-introspection. Further, when you ponder upon this question, do you ever find yourself becoming frustrated, despondent, or flat-out heartbroken about the progress you seem to be making—or the lack thereof?

We all have things that we need to work on, be they bad habits to overcome, problems to solve, people who use or abuse, loneliness, or any number of other challenges that don't seem to go away, be they emotional, mental, physical, financial, etc. For many people, it's a combination of one or more of these things.

For the record, I believe that there are two types of people, as well as two ways of dealing with life's problems: There are those who "deal" with their problems by not dealing with them at all—ignoring or avoiding them altogether—aka the truly insane who keep trying the same thing and expecting different results. Then, there are those who confront and fight their problems—even when that fight seems like it may be a losing battle.

Whatever stage you are at in your particular battle(s), I believe that if you are among the latter of these two types of people—the one who is confronting and fighting the problem—then you are winning. That may sound like a cheesy line taken from the end of every "G.I. Joe" cartoon—you know, "knowing is half the battle" and all that—but I believe it to be true. Taking two steps forward and one step backward is still making progress.

On Facebook today, a  friend of mine posted something I originally heard in the October 1999 general conference and also which I have heard many times since. I certainly needed to re-read it again:

“Don’t give up, boy. Don’t you quit. You keep walking. You keep trying. There is help and happiness ahead—a lot of it—30 years of it now, and still counting. You keep your chin up. It will be all right in the end. Trust God and believe in good things to come.”
 -Elder Jeffrey R. Holland

Sometimes, all we can do is put one foot in front of the other and continue to walk down that road. If we even stop and take a moment to look around us when that road is muddy and the sky is dark and stormy, I think we will even discover that there are quite a number of good things around us already.