Legal Advice

Today's unlikely voice of reason comes from Fletcher Reede, played by Jim Carrey in the movie Liar Liar. Due to a wish made by his son at his birthday party, Fletcher, a lawyer who is also a compulsive liar, cannot tell a lie for one 24-hour time period.

The scene I refer to here takes place when Fletcher is in the middle of this 24-hour day, and one of his clients, who finds himself frequently in trouble with the law, calls up Fletcher on the phone to ask for help.

"He knocked over another ATM," Fletcher's secretary explains. "This time, at knife point. He needs your legal advice."

Fletcher grabs the phone and shouts, at the top of his lungs: "Stop breaking the law!"

**Disclaimer: Liar Liar is certainly not a family movie. Don't go around telling anyone that the Angry White Loner recommends it for a date night, either.

Nevertheless, I love Jim Carrey's facial expressions in the film, because he is more shocked than anyone else is at the truths he is forced to confess when he can't lie. I also love this particular scene of legal advice because, well, it applies to us all on so many levels.

Stop breaking the law! It's good advice both legally and spiritually. The laws of the land, for the most part (with the exception of such things as abortion and, oh, say, the "Affordable" Care Act), are meant to help maintain order and harmony in our society, to prevent people from injuring or harming others or from infringing on their God-given rights. Likewise, God has given us commandments to help us to progress and to also keep us on a path that will bring us joy. Unfortunately, these commandments are increasingly seen by many in today's society as a means of controlling us, making us blindly obedient, and limiting our choices and/or happiness.

In reality, the converse is actually true.

"Wickedness never was happiness," the prophet Alma wrote (Alma 41:10). When we obey, we have peace of mind and conscience, and we feel joy. It's not an easy choice to make, but it is the one that matters. When we disobey, we feel guilt and regret. Continued disobedience can lead to bad habits, addictions, and, above all, misery. Indeed, this is when our choices and our happiness are truly limited.

It's a crucial but also a tough lesson to learn in this mortal experience, and an important one nonetheless. Looking back on many learning experiences from the past, I can't think of one experience in which I knowingly broke a commandment or law that I achieved any sort of lasting happiness or felt good about myself.

In other words, the story checks out.

I'm no Fletcher Reede, nor am I George Washington. About this, though, I cannot tell a lie.

Weeping, Wailing, and Gnashing of Teeth

"There shall be weeping, and wailing, and gnashing of teeth, and this because of their own iniquity" (Alma 40:13).

What an eventful week it has been. In case you spent the week stranded on a deserted island or have been out with the flu, one of the leaders of the Ordain Women movement was excommunicated from the LDS Church, the 10th Circuit Court of Appeals upheld Judge Shelby's ruling overturning the gay marriage ban in Utah, and the United States Supreme Court ruled in favor of Hobby Lobby's challenge of the contraception mandate in Obamacare, among other things.

So many strong emotions about it all. So very many. And, sadly, a great deal of contention as a result.

Yesterday after church, I unfortunately found myself involved in a rather contentious conversation about one of these topics, and it was a horrible, ugly, empty feeling. It was not a situation I had sought out nor one I was happy to be a part of, and I'm embarrassed for both myself and my friend's sake that it ever occurred.

Your very own Angry White Loner has blogged about this friend before. He's one of those people who, as President Hinckley once said, has left the Church but cannot leave it alone. He also seemingly falls into the category, as one institute teacher of mine called it, of "toxic personalities"—people who are impossible to please and who place the burden of their happiness on everyone and everything else around them. On everyone else, that is, but themselves.

After this conversation ended, I made the decision to unfriend this person from Facebook—that is, until I discovered that he had unfriended me first. Well, so be it.

This doesn't mean I will go out in public in disguise just to avoid this person, nor will I rev the engine of my car like Cruella DeVil should I see him crossing the street. In fact, I told him I hoped we could meet someday and that I could take him to lunch so that we could talk things over in person. I also told him I would be praying for him and that I would look for him at future social activities involving others of our age/married status.

Nevertheless, cutting ties with this person on social media, which is far too intertwined in all of our lives, was the right thing to do—for me, at least. Even the great Nephi reached a point that he had to move far away from his brothers Laman and Lemuel, because it had become dangerous for him to remain in their presence—both physically and spiritually. He still loved and forgave his brothers, yet he and his crew packed up and got the heck outta there.

At the same time, my heart breaks for this friend. The bitterness inside him has grown like a cancer, and he seems not to see it in himself. He has lost his testimony, has left the Church, and has replaced it with . . . apparently only vitriol, hatred, cynicism, blame, and, above all, misery.

What do you do with a friend like that? I don't know. But I'm going to figure it out, one day at a time.

In the meantime, I'm going to rededicate myself to accentuating the positive. Even an Angry White Loner can work at this. In spite of the whirlwind that the last week was, there is still goodness and beauty out there to be sought after, as we read about in the 13th Article of Faith. I'm glad to have you who are reading this as friends, because you more than likely wouldn't be reading it if you didn't consider yourself to be a friend of mine. Otherwise, I would just be some plumb loco quack philosophizing into the nameless void. And that, if it were true, would be utterly ridiculous.

I'm grateful to be surrounded by so many people who build up rather than tear down, which is what real friends do and is also, in its essence, what the gospel of Jesus Christ is all about. I'm grateful to have the opportunity to work on improving my own weaknesses and imperfections, some of which were made all too clear to me recently.

I'm a work in progress. We all are. How lucky I am to have such good friends along with me to enjoy the ups and downs of the ride.

Right or Easy

Admittedly, I am far from being the world's biggest Harry Potter fan. I have read only one of the seven books, and I found some of the movies in the series to be rather unmemorable. Visiting the Wizarding World of Harry Potter in Florida and drinking a glass of Butterbeer ranks somewhat low among my idea of an ideal vacation. Perhaps most telling of all, I once took an online Sorting Hat quiz, and it turns out I belong in Slytherin.

Nevertheless, I will be the first to admit that the franchise contains many memorable characters who either join Harry or take the opposite side in the fight between good and evil, and it also contains some profound teachings through them.

One of these is in the fourth book/film, The Goblet of Fire. Following the death of Cedric Diggory, which allowed "actor" Robert Pattinson to go off and star in a far-less memorable movie franchise, Hogwarts Headmaster Albus Dumbledore tells Harry: “Dark times lie ahead of us, and there will be a time when we must choose between what is easy and what is right.”

As it applies to us muggles, I believe that we are now living in a time in which we face two important choices, and they are certainly choices between what is right and what is easy. The distinction between the two is clear, and the divide will continue to grow as times get even darker.

Remember the friend I posted about here on the Angry White Loner a few months ago—the one who was falling away from his faith and was, not coincidentally, also utterly miserable? The latest Facebook post by this friend, sadly, reflected only more of the same. He now believes that the Christian God is uncaring and unloving. I've offered to help this friend on many occasions and to take him to institute with me, but he refuses to do so and seems to continue to choose to become consumed with vitriol and skepticism.

It's very saddening to watch friends or loved ones fall away from those principles and teachings that would make them truly happy, and unfortunately I've seen it taken place now several times over the years. One of the most disappointing was one of my mission companions, someone who (at that time) once was a positive influence on me and who pushed me to become a better missionary. The saddest part of it all is that these people don't ever seem to end up in a better place but, rather, what Dumbledore would call an "easier" place—one with fewer responsibilities and expectations for themselves but also with less joy and no growth. If there's one who's truly in a better place and I have missed it, I would be happy to be proven wrong. They also, with few exceptions, seem to become the Church's most vile critics and detractors. As President Hinckley once said, "They leave the Church, but they can't leave it alone."

I believe our Heavenly Father truly loves and cares for us and wants to make us happy both temporally and eternally (see Moses 1:39). Sometimes, He has to use tough love to teach us what He wants us to learn, and it's difficult to see so much suffering in a world in which people can be affected so adversely by both other people's choices and natural disasters. But, like any parent, He wants the very best for His children.

That's just the AWL's opinion. And now, off to play LEGO Harry Potter.

Religion, Politics, the Great Pumpkin . . . and Misery

Like it or not, Facebook has become a part of pretty much all of our lives. Chances are, you are reading this post right now because I posted a link to it on my Facebook profile.

Facebook is great in that it is a good way to keep in touch with long-lost friends living on the other side of the world or those who may be too busy with the many comings and goings of their spouses, children, careers, etc. to visit with in person. Some of the cons include all of those Farmville invitations I keep getting on a daily basis, people who still use the "poke" option, and, admittedly, discussing politics, religion, and other hot-button topics, which usually never turns out well for everyone who becomes involved in the discussion. I've not yet stuck my foot into a political discussion in which a person on the other side of the argument has concluded: "You're absolutely right, and I was wrong. I am making a 180-degree turn and now see things your way." It just doesn't happen.

In the perennial Halloween special "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown," Linus sums it up well: "There are three things you must never discuss with people: religion, politics, and the Great Pumpkin."

Though the AWL sometimes delves into matters of politics and religion, that's not what today's post is about. Sometimes, he reads a Facebook post that just ends up making his blood boil. That, or he just ends up feeling sorry for the person who wrote it. A post he read tonight ended up causing both reactions. The post in question was made by a friend who referenced a well-known Old Testament story, and the friend then wondered aloud why a "God of love" could care so little about His creations.

Over time, it has been sad for the AWL to watch this friend slowly drift away from the LDS Church and its principles. Little by little, this person's posts have grown more bitter, more angry, more difficult to respond to - the AWL finds himself ignoring this person more often than not in order to keep the peace - and, above all, more miserable. It is not uncommon for this person to post status updates about how sad and depressing his life is in addition to all of the angry questions and rants. Not only has this person drifted from the LDS Church he grew up with, he also appears to be drifting toward atheism and abandoning Christianity as a whole.

Not coincidentally, this person's other common posts deal with, for one, such matters as his love for a recent Broadway musical that directly and openly mocks the LDS Church and its members (hint: Its name rhymes with "Nook of Norman"). The language in his posts is often crude and vile, and the words are frequently sloppy and misspelled even though they come from what I know to be a sharp mind. I saw a recent photo of this person after not having seen him in person for more than a year, and it has become apparent that his hygiene and personal grooming habits have become about as lost to the world as the 116 pages of the Book of Lehi. From what I know, he doesn't socialize or get outside of the house much, either.

The AWL sees a direct correlation between these behaviors and this person's misery and feeling of being alone in the world. If this friend happens to read this post, the AWL would even go so far as to suggest that reading the real rhymes-with-"Nook of Norman" would go a long way to making this person happier than would listening to the songs of the sad, pale imitation lauded by the people of the "great and spacious building" and now selling out to capacity audiences on Broadway.

The truth is, folks, that the AWL doesn't know that much, but he does know that happiness comes from keeping the commandments, prayer, scripture study, kindness, gentleness, seeking good and wholesome entertainment, cleanliness of body and mind, and so forth - the very basics we first learned about in Primary - while misery and sadness result from not doing those things (see Alma 41:10). Further, I would have to add that picking an obscure story or point of doctrine and complaining or fretting about it, pretending to know God's motivation(s) involved, is not a good use of one's time and effort.

As Nephi said: "I know that he loveth his children; nevertheless, I do not know the meaning of all things" (1 Nephi 11:17).

Even though this friend has lately proven himself to be just about one curse word away from being unfriended, there is something inside the AWL that still thinks this friend is worth keeping and encouraging to hold onto the Iron Rod. I honestly don't know the answer. But I do know where the answers that truly matter can be found.

Shuffling Off the Mortal Coil

For those who have followed my blogging through my older blog, Disconcertingly Choppy - and, let's face it, that may be as many as a dozen people - as well as those who know my family and extended family personally, then you may remember that my nine-year-old niece McKenna got a hamster, which she named Hammy, for Christmas. She was very excited about getting Hammy as a pet and has taken good care of him in the four months since that time. Around the house, it was not unusual to see Hammy rolling around in his hamster ball or just being held and cared for in McKenna's hands.

Well, a couple of days ago, Hammy left us. Someone, and I won't say whom, squeezed Hammy a little too tightly, and in an instant he became Peruvian food. (I've tried hamster twice - both times in Peru, in those "when in Rome" situations - and, incidentally, and it tastes like chicken. I don't recommend it.) McKenna, surprisingly, wasn't upset at the person who did this (accidentally, I might add), but was she was rather grief stricken by it and was somewhat inconsolable throughout the day.

Rather than have the traditional family home evening that night, we instead held a graveside service for Hammy, who was laid to rest in the backyard. McKenna talked about what a great pet Hammy had been, and we all bowed our heads in a moment of silence. As you may recall, this was on the same day as the explosions at the Boston marathon, and feelings were tender all around.

A wise person once said something along the lines of: "Death is an important tool. It teaches us to tell each other that we love each other."

I'm paraphrasing here, but I appreciate the sentiment. When tragedy strikes, and it will affect us all to one degree or another, it's often the only thing we can do. I believe it applies to all instances when we're affected by death - be it terrorism that takes human lives untimely, or unintentionally enthusiastic hugs, or everything else between and beyond.

And so, my friends, let me take advantage of this opportunity to tell you that I love you, collectively and individually. I realize that a blog is not the ideal means for doing this, so take it for whatever you may think it's worth. I'm not great at expressing it vocally, as my "love language" tends to be either spending quality time or performing acts of service, but please know that I am truly grateful for the relationships I feel the Lord has blessed me with in my life, be they family, friends, co-workers, or even acquaintances who may yet become lifelong friends.

Hammy would want it that way.

Schadenfreude (Gesundheit!)

Schadenfreude: "enjoyment obtained from the troubles of others"
 -Merriam-Webster Dictionary

For those not familiar with the term - and, let's be honest, schadenfreude is a fun word to say as well as to type - it comes from the German words schaden, meaning "damage," and freude, which translates as "joy." It is also not to be confused with the infamous Dr. Sigmund Freud, whose name translates roughly as "one of the most boring and difficult writers I've ever had to plod through during my college days."

I was reminded of the concept of schadenfreude over the weekend when I learned that Kobe Bryant of the Los Angeles Lakers, aka Satan's favorite basketball team, suffered a season-ending injury when he tore his Achilles tendon in an NBA game. Not only did it end his season, but it could keep him out of the sport for up to a year.

My initial reaction was basically this: Good! He's a narcissistic jerk, and nobody deserves it more than he does. The Lakers have also been one of the biggest rivals of our hometown squad, the Utah Jazz, and I'll admit that, in the past, I have been somewhat pleased to hear whenever the Lakers have lost a game. They're all big jerks, in fact. So, they all deserve it.

Right? (sound of crickets chirping)

Another, much more local example of schadenfreude, I believe, is present in the BYU/Utah college sports rivalry, which tends to bring out the worst in many people - on both sides of the fence. Both Cougar and Ute fans believe that the other side is full of big jerks, and that justifies my unruly behavior toward them and means that whenever my team beats your team, I, as a follower of that team, am therefore also better than you, and I will rub your face in it whenever I can.

But only during football season. And basketball season - if the (_______) (Cougars/Utes) have a good team this year, that is. Then, we'll see each other at church Sunday, and all will be rainbows, ponies, and cotton candy once again.

Another important part of being a "true" fan (in some people's minds) of either side: Root for the other team to lose, no matter whom they're playing. Not only that, but they must lose by as many points as possible and be humiliated in the process. Victory means "we win, and you lose."

It's Schadenfreude with a capital S.

As someone who grew up as a Cougar fan and who was a Ute scholastically, I try to avoid these kinds of scenarios as much as possible - unavoidable as they may be. Frankly, they're just plain embarrassing. Not only do they bring out the worst in some people, they're really just silly and childish. I've already admitted to my basketball prejudice, so there is another reminder for myself that the same idea applies.

Be patient with me; I'm a work in progress. Odds are, so are you.

Fortunately, in real life, true joy comes from both bettering ourselves and helping others to become better, too. It is win-win, rather than a win-lose, situations that give us happiness and make us grow into better selves. In helping others, we help ourselves in the process.

It all sounds a lot like that whole Sermon on the Mount thing, doesn't it?