"Weird Al" Predicts the Future

Yesterday, much of the main cast of the new, as-yet-untitled Star Wars Episode VII was revealed, and to the glee of many fans/nerds, myself included, original stars Mark Hamill (Luke Skywalker), Harrison Ford (Han Solo), and Carrie Fisher (Princess Leia) will be back to reprise their iconic roles. The new movie, set to be released in December 2015 (but who's keeping track of that in big bold red letters on their calendars?), will pick up the saga 30 years after the conclusion of Episode VI, Return of the Jedi.

I was seven years old, a second grader at Hannah Holbrook Elementary School in Bountiful, when ROTJ was released, and Dad got my older brother and me out of school for the day to line up with many other fans at something like 5:00 or 5:30 a.m. for the chance to be among the very first group to see the very first showing of the movie at a now-non-existent theater in downtown Salt Lake City. And we made it!

Good times, those. It's a cherished memory and one of the things about Dad that I remember best from my childhood.

At any rate, two years after ROTJ, "Weird Al" Yankovic came out with his Dare to Be Stupid album in 1985. Like the Star Wars franchise, it's also one of the greatest creations of all time. It included the song "Yoda," a parody of the Kinks' "Lola," which "Weird Al" fans once voted their #1 favorite song of his.

"Yoda," however, was originally intended to come out on "Weird Al"'s first album in 1983, before he hit it big and before the release of ROTJ. As such, it tells the story of Yoda only as it recounted as far as the previous Star Wars film, Episode V, The Empire Strikes Back, and includes nothing of the story of Yoda in ROTJ nor in the prequels, which didn't come along for more than a decade later anyway.

I listened to "Yoda," which is sung through the point-of-view of Luke, on my iPod today and found myself paying particular attention to the lines: "I know that I'll be coming back (to Dagobah) someday; I'll be playing this part till I'm old and gray. The long-term contract I had to sign says I'll be making these movies till the end of time."

And now, 32 years after ROTJ, and 30 years after Dare to Be Stupid, Mark Hamill, old and gray (at least, he's 30 years older and grayer than he once was) is once again playing the role of Luke Skywalker.

Nailed it, Al.

What's in a Name?

Approximately 500 years ago, William Shakespeare wrote the immortal question: "What's in a name?" At least, I am pretty sure it was Shakespeare, and I believe it was asked by Juliet in Romeo and Juliet. Or Romeo.

I didn't pay too much attention to that play when I studied it in school, or at least it wasn't that memorable for me, because I was in eighth grade at the time. I didn't have the appreciation for Shakespeare in those days that I do now. Also, we watched the '60s movie version in class, and it showed Romeo's bare bum, which made a junior high student like me squirm in his seat, look up at the ceiling tiles, and begin to whistle the "Think" music from "Jeopardy!"


The answer to Shakespeare's question, of course, as another British author, Douglas Adams, wrote somewhat more recently, is: "42."

My point, and I do have one, is that names and "what's in them" can - and should - mean a really big deal to a lot of people. Among that number of people, though, I do not include couples who have a child and then appear to either spend only five minutes choosing a name for that child or appear to have lost a bet when they make the name official on a birth certificate.

Examples of these kinds of names include, but may not be limited to: Banjo, Haven'T, J'Adore, Navaryous, Shoog, Twisha, and so on.

All of these, I promise, are real and can be found by conducting a simple Google search. Many of them also sound like rejected names for characters in Dr. Seuss stories.

The moral of the story: Think about it for longer than five minutes, people. Or at least picture your child's future fourth-grade teacher reading the class roll aloud, and if the name would make the other students giggle, don't do it. Don't make your kids grow up and resent you.

Then, picture that child squirming in his/her seat when he/she has to watch Romeo and Juliet in the eighth grade.

You'll certainly be grateful when . . . I don't know . . . when that child is, many more years from now, deciding whether or not to put you into a nursing home.