The Curse of Captain Caveman

Unless you grew up in the late '70s or '80s, chances are that you don't know who Captain Caveman is.

If you don't remember this classic cartoon, you're not really missing that much. I remember watching reruns of "Captain Caveman and the Teen Angels" on Saturday mornings as a kid. Captain Caveman was a hairy dude who looked like either Robin Williams with no shirt on or Cousin Itt from "The Addams Family." (Take your pick.) This gang went around solving crimes together, just like all other teens in Hanna-Barbera cartoons.

The main thing I remember about this show was Captain Caveman's battle cry whenever he sprang into action. He didn't yell out anything like "Shazam!" or "Let's get dangerous!" but, rather, shouted out his own name, using a deafening cry that traveled up and down through multiple octaves on the musical scale: "Captain Cave-maaaaaaaaaan!"

It's been many years since I last watched an episode of "Captain Caveman," but I am still reminded of his battle cry when I hear many modern "singers" sing songs, or at least pretend to do so. These singers travel up and down multiple times on certain notes and all throughout their songs, metaphorically flexing and kissing their vocal muscles in the process, making their performance not about the song that they are singing but about their own voices.

Is there another name for this? There has to be one.

Some of the biggest offenders of this type of singing are Mariah Carey, Christina Aguilera, and nearly every contestant on "American Idol." Even Utah's own sweetheart David Archuleta, who seems like a nice kid but also sings this way, is not immune from the Curse of Captain Caveman.

It's extremely tough for me to listen to a song sung by a Captain Caveman-like singer. It makes me want to rip the radio out and throw it out the window. It's almost unbearable to hear one these singers warble and trill his or her way through "The Star-Spangled Banner" at sporting events, which I'm sure causes Francis Scott Key to turn over in his grave every time it happens. And it happens a lot.

"Just sing the freaking song!" I've heard people say.

I couldn't agree more.